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May 26, 2001
prostate stories: three
I'm a fan of alternative medicine. Last week, I went to yoga right after acupuncture. My qi ( CHEE ) spewed like a lawn sprinkler.
My acupuncturist is named Pierre. This is not a cajun joke. Pierre is also a Chinese herbalist. He's not Chinese, but he is an herbalist. When I arrived early for an appointment, I saw Pierre behind his office smoking some herb. I think it was potent. He used acupuncture needles to scratch the words HELTER SKELTER on my chest.
After my scare over prostate cancer, I decided to get a complete physical. I told the internist to give me the works EXCEPT for a digital rectal exam since I had one only 3 weeks ago. I wasn't there 5 minutes but what his finger was up my ass. Can anyone explain to me why the AMA is holding its annual convention at my asshole?
Pierre put me on a new placebo called Omegabrite (Popeil Laboratories). It is the best placebo I've ever purchased. It has a Delta rating of 4. Deltas are an expression of a product's "deceptiveness" and are figured by taking the square root of the promises made divided by the price multiplied by the disappointments delivered. A little formula I've been working on. Anyway, Omegabrite may not cure depression as advertised, but it sure does cost a lot.
© 2001 by the beastmaster