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May 26, 2001

prostate stories:  three

I'm a fan of alternative medicine.   Last week, I went to yoga right after acupuncture.   My qi ( CHEE ) spewed like a lawn sprinkler.

My acupuncturist is named Pierre.   This is not a cajun joke.   Pierre is also a Chinese herbalist.   He's not Chinese, but he is an herbalist.   When I arrived early for an appointment, I saw Pierre behind his office smoking some herb.   I think it was potent.   He used acupuncture needles to scratch the words HELTER SKELTER on my chest.

After my scare over prostate cancer, I decided to get a complete physical.   I told the internist to give me the works EXCEPT for a digital rectal exam since I had one only 3 weeks ago.   I wasn't there 5 minutes but what his finger was up my ass.   Can anyone explain to me why the AMA is holding its annual convention at my asshole?

Pierre put me on a new placebo called Omegabrite (Popeil Laboratories).   It is the best placebo I've ever purchased.   It has a Delta rating of 4.   Deltas are an expression of a product's "deceptiveness" and are figured by taking the square root of the promises made divided by the price multiplied by the disappointments delivered.   A little formula I've been working on.   Anyway, Omegabrite may not cure depression as advertised, but it sure does cost a lot. 

©  2001 by the beastmaster