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July 8, 2001

aging beast

I turn 45 on Friday, July 13.   This is my state of the body address.

I remain devilishly handsome though, for some reason, no one has commented on this fact for roughly 25 years.   My hairline is receding faster than the Louisiana coast, I am blinder than a mole, and my ears ring like a Metallica roadie's.   Exercise produces no appreciable results and my blood is the consistency of Karo syrup.   I take two different cholesterol medications, but I no doubt have plaques in my heart the size of tortillas.   I lost my appendix in '95 and, if you are a student of these pages, you know that my prostate gland has petitioned for Commonwealth status.   I have recently installed an airport conveyor-belt which runs past my bed to the bathroom and back.   Ejaculation produces a sensation not unlike the one I feel when I clear my throat.

In the coming days, I hope to give you a sense of my 45 year-old psyche and spirit.

©  2001 by the beastmaster