previous  |  main  |  index  |  next
August 4, 2001

in memoriam

I have almost no memory.   I cannot remember my children growing up, for example.   I look at them and think they always looked like that, always talked like that.   I think they have always BEEN that.

Amnesiacs, like Evil Twins, are rather commonplace in soap operas.   I think I have subdued my beastly Evil Twin although one can never be certain of such things.   But the memory problem remains with me and it looks to be permanent.

My deaf-mute psychotherapist, Dr. H. Keller, was unable to detect any significant brain damage on neuropsychiatric testing.   But the realization that I have no memory caused me to go a tad insane.   The insanity gave way to stark terror, then confusion and, finally, sick resignation.

Which is not to say that Dr. Keller has not tried to help me deal with my amnesia.   He has.   Just not successfully:

Me:   This lack of memory is killing me.

Dr. Keller:   Yes, being breast-fed would have increased your sense of security.

Me:   I have no historical context.

Dr. Keller:   Nor I; but I did win a spelling bee once.

Me:   Just forget it.

Dr. Keller:   You do have a problem remembering, don't you!

And don't any of you tell me I should start making "new memories."   That kind of metaphysical jag is like joining Sherman and Mr. Peabody in the Way-Back Machine just to consult the Oracle at Delphi.   It freaks me out.   And it is a bit pointless
©  2001 by the beastmaster