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June 22, 2003
spunky and the swagger boys
The C-PAP was added to my second and final sleep study. Imagining myself as Frank Booth, Dennis Hopper's character in Blue Velvet, didn't help me sleep. So I lay awake for nine hours proving once and for all that I sleep better without electrodes, wires, and straps attached to my body than I do with them. So when at dawn my technician, Dawn, asked me if I was ready to go, I pointed my electroded middle-finger at the sleep-cam and nodded. Vigorously.
It was dark and raining when I left the Sleep Disorder Clinic, my hair matted with electrode contact gel as though I had finished shooting a scene from a gay porno movie. I imagined myself being pulled over for speeding.
"Why no, officer. You did not 'catch' my debut in No Sleep For Spunky."
I made it home without incident and brewed a pot of coffee. I sat at the picture window and sipped coffee while I watched the storm lash the park behind me. It was getting as light outside as it was going to get all day when I spotted three shirtless men running clockwise on the jogging path. They were wet and muscled and yucking it up, a Preen-a-Thon of sorts. Look at us! We are the young and sopping restless. And we run while huffing and puffing dick-and-pussy jokes!
Another cup of coffee, crackling, unexpected thunder, and the joggers jumped in unison. I blew across the surface of my coffee and smiled the smile of an unseen witness to a de-preening. The runners veered from the path and cut across the park on a shortcut to nowhere.
I took another sip. Run, you Swagger Boys. run.
© 2003 by the beastmaster